Is There Always The "Right Thing"?

I have recently found myself in a position of wondering if there really is an isolated right way to handle situations, or make decisions. How can something that feels so wrong to me, be the supposed “right thing” to someone else? The answer that I have come to from my perspective, is that your morals and intuition will lead you in the right direction, on your own path. The reason this topic came to me is because I realized I have been in many situations over the years hearing others tell me “it's best to just not say anything”, “I feel like it isn’t worth being that emotional over”, “don’t get involved”, etc. For anyone who doesn’t know me personally, you bet your bottom dollar I will be getting myself involved in something if I feel like I can help or make the situation better, or if you mess with someone I love, I have it out for you. One thing I have come to understand very clearly, is that someone else’s right, can absolutely be your wrong, and yet others will still try to convince you their way is the only right way out there.

Some people may not know this, but quick anger and irritation is a very common, and very prominent side effect of ADHD, especially undiagnosed. When I was younger, something that would bother someone else minimally would throw me for a loop. I had nowhere to put all of the frustration and anger that I was feeling, which would build it up even more. I always felt like I wasn’t handling situations in the correct way; that I was either too much, or too little, I then would get sad and upset for feeling that way to begin with. I don’t think anyone wants to feel like the most worked up person in the room and more so, being told that you are. I sure as hell did not. Therefore, that is when I began putting lots of effort into controlling my emotions, slowing down my reactions, and choosing the one that seemed to be the best; the so-called “right” thing to do. I chose the reaction that would cause the least pushback, no matter how I felt. If something happened to me that I was upset over, I had to stop and ask myself if others would be upset too, or if I needed to let it go in a certain time frame to make sure others felt comfortable. I fell really deeply into this, and somewhat lost a part of myself because I wasn’t honouring my own feelings anymore. We have to remember that we aren’t living our lives to please other people, and that our intuition will guide us towards our own truth. Someone being upset with how you act on something is a reflection of them, not you.

I think one of the biggest issues we have as human beings (unless you are a narcissist), is the natural desperation to be liked, or at least to not be disliked, a lot of the time it being subconscious. In one of my previous blogs, “Don’t Knock It Till You Try it”, I mentioned that being selfish is ingrained in us, even if you complete a selfless act, you are still benefiting by feeling rewarded from doing it. As a result of this, we accept someone telling us their opinion and taking the very likely unasked for advice of how to proceed in a situation, and believing it because we would rather the situation go away instead of risking pushback from them, therefore leading to more discomfort for ourselves. In a way, you are doing a disservice to yourself, under the impression that it is actually a service to you. It is crucial to recognize that we are the only ones experiencing our lives day to day, and there is no one else better equipped to make a decision about our own lives than ourselves, we also owe it to ourselves to trust our own judgement. For example, a little while back I was talking to a friend about something that was upsetting me, they gave me pretty strong advice and I actually believed it was the right thing to do, I planned on taking action with it right away but roughly five to ten minutes after the conversation ended, I noticed this feeling in my stomach that was trying to tell me, this is not your version of the right thing here. I sat and pondered about it, then I realized the person giving me this advice has never been in a situation of any sort, yet was determined I take action in this way. This here, was trusting my gut, and I am so relieved that I did. 

One person may tell you that doing mushrooms will ruin your life, and you could turn around and be told how it could actually immensely benefit your life and your mental health. You could read a self help book and be told that releasing the past and never looking back will give you ultimate freedom, and then open up another one and be told that to truly move forward you have to understand your trauma and acknowledge your past. Every single person will have their opinion of the “right thing”, and generously hand it out, but when you conclude a decision, there is only one person’s judgement that truly matters, honour that. 

https://static.wixstatic.com/mp3/adabd0_bcbeb984a296494ca716bf13676d84dc.m4a