When Someone Tells You They Don't Deserve You, Believe Them

If someone truly deserves to be in your life, you’ll know. You won’t have to guess or overanalyze their intentions — their actions and consistency will make it clear. The moment you find yourself having to convince someone why they should stay, you’re fighting for the wrong thing.

When someone says, “I don’t deserve you,” believe them. Those words are rarely about humility — they’re about avoidance. Maybe they don’t care enough to stay. Maybe they’re fishing for reassurance. Or maybe they’ve already decided they don’t want to try any harder. Regardless of the reason, take it at face value. It’s not your job to persuade someone of their worth or their place in your life. Because if they truly wanted to be there, they wouldn’t need convincing.

People who tell you they don’t deserve you aren’t necessarily bad or toxic — but they’ve already given up on themselves, and in turn, on you. And when someone has given up on themselves, they can’t show up for you in the way you need.

We all deserve to be with someone who knows they deserve you, and treats you accordingly. And if that person hasn’t come along yet, trust that they will — when the timing aligns and when you’ve stopped trying to force what’s not meant for you.

I’ve been there — more times than I’d like to admit. Every time someone said those words to me, I wanted to help them see their worth. I thought if I loved them hard enough, maybe they’d see what I saw. But what actually happened was the opposite: I dimmed my own light to make them feel brighter. I fought to make them feel better about the things they did wrong, and in the end, I was the one who walked away feeling worse about myself.

Each time, I should have taken those words as truth — as an ending, not an invitation to prove something. They weren’t saying, “I’m scared but I’ll try.” They were saying, “I’m not going to.”

I understand wanting to make things work. I understand the pull of love — the intoxicating start, the illusion of potential, the rose-colored lens that blinds you to reality. But red flags are not challenges to overcome; they are signs from the universe telling you to walk away with grace.

I’ve learned — and I’m finally beginning to master — that people come and go, and love, when it’s right, will never require you to shrink. You can love someone deeply, but if you forget to love yourself more, you’ll always lose.

So when someone tells you they don’t deserve you, stop trying to convince them otherwise. Let them go — and choose yourself instead.