WHO TF CARES?

For anyone who has known me for a while, they know I have a history of being a bit random at times (that sentence alone makes me sound super pick me but stay with me here). I love this quality of mine now, yet what people didn’t see is how when I would get home at the end of the day, I would spiral in my head about what people thought of me. I wished I was different and normal like my other friends so often and so deeply.

I tried so hard that it felt like I was almost going off of a script I had memorized by listening to how other people spoke and acted to each other. However, in result, that only led to me spiralling even further about the chance of being caught off guard and not knowing how to respond in a way that others would deem as their normal.

What if I didn’t know what the right thing to say was? 

This prompted me to not only replay everything I had said that day (or week or month or year...), but also have anxiety about every future conversation I may have. 

In hindsight, I just desperately didn’t want to be different, at least different in a way people didn’t approve of; I didn’t want to be as sensitive as I was, I didn’t want to be as outgoing and chatty as I was, I didn’t want to be so reactive (negatively or positively). I told myself that bringing my personality down a couple notches would benefit me, that I would feel better about myself. 

The reality is, those traits are exactly what makes me, me. So, to confirm, it absolutely did not make me feel better, it only made me feel lost. In fact, it made me feel so lost that I began wondering why on earth I even care so much to begin with?

God forbid I am a woman with a loud and bold personality, who laughs powerfully and wears crazy outfits, and who empathizes deeply with people, feels every emotion fiercely, and expresses themselves in many different forms. These are all traits to be PROUD of, never, ever ashamed of. 

At the very least, they are traits that I should own confidently, because they all are what makes me who I am, and I love myself. :)

So, who the actual f*ck cares about what people think of me? If I can confidently say I am being a good and honest person, then who I am aside from that should only matter to me. 

We all know how easy it is to say things about someone else that we may not necessarily mean; it is (very) likely coming from jealousy, insecurity, or merely having a bad day, so why are we so quick to take what we think other people may be saying about us to heart? Even if we know it is being said about us, why should it matter? Really ask yourself, why do I even care?

This concept alone has diminished so many apprehensive thoughts about others' opinions of me. You will never, ever, please everyone, and trying to do so is wasting so much of your time. 

It is a blessing to be unique and different, own your originality, and I guarantee you, the moment you say IDGAF you will feel all of the weight in the world lifted off your shoulders.